Discarded For You
by FrankIeroRules
Summary: She allowed herself to peel back those protective layers after placing them there so carefully, and was feeling the consequences. But now she wears her dignity on her sleeve, because sometimes, it really feels like she hasn't got any left. Quall.


Okay, so this is my first fanfiction for this game. It's just an idea I got one time at school that I liked, so I wrote it out when I got home. Hope you enjoy it, and reviews are greatly appreciated! Disclaimer: don't own anything... unfortunately.

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_It's like some sort of game, except that I'm the only one that wants to play._

She listens to the words and lets them echo in her mind, pretending that maybe just for once, they could be directed towards her. It may not be real, but it was truer than any reality she would ever experience of the sort.

"I love you", she closes her eyes and lets her breath flutter out through her slightly parted lips, trying to feel the sensation of fingers lightly caressing her cheek.

"I love you,"licking her lips in anticipation, she waits for the name to crush her dreams, listening intently, and just wishing it was her; _"Rinoa." _

Of course it would never be her, but she just wished that something would go her way. She had close friends that supported her through harsh times, but it just felt like maybe, if he didn't love her, than it wouldn't matter. Waiting behind the column that was hiding her from the couple, she tries to look away, knowing that it wouldn't make anything better, but she just can't.

_What does she have that I don't?_

She slides down the column until she is sitting down with her legs stretched out, listening to the voices as they spoke in soft whispers, trying to smile, trying to think that everything is okay.

She allowed herself to peel back those protective layers after placing them there so carefully, and now she was feeling the consequences. And now she wears her dignity on her sleeve, because sometimes, it really feels like she hasn't got any left.

_We're mercenaries, you and I. You said to make the most of the time we have, but I can't. It's just not the same when you don't actually want that time._

The brunette of his affection walks away, leaving him alone. He just stands there, looking over the edge of the balcony, and Quistis can imagine him being devoted to nobody but herself, waiting for her; _how it should be_, she thinks.

In some ways she wishes she could just say goodbye to this uneventful yet devastating chapter in her life, but she's glad she met him. At least she knows she can **feel** from it.

_I'm losing my humanity by all the killing, and it's all for you. I'm becoming a merciless killer, losing my definition, and it's all in your name._

She guessed that it is just all part of being a SeeD, but she cannot help thinking that it still isn't fair. She wishes for some sort of acknowledgement of the full extent of what she has done, but she knows it won't be coming any time soon.

_I even had my title as instructor revoked, just because of you._

She does know that it can be seen as harsh, the way that she burdens Squall with the blame, but she doesn't want to believe otherwise. She has never told him, anyway, so what should it matter?

Gathering the remaining ragged pieces of self-respect, she walks up to him, trying her best to be graceful as her footsteps are accentuated by the click of contact between heels and the hard floor. The illusion of expectancy that she tried to envision is missing, and it's almost as if her heart stops at the grasp.

_Where did it all go wrong? We're both so similar; there's no way she could love you as much as I do._ _She pried through the cracks, like a sharp chisel in old, softening stone. She had wriggled her way into our group when she shouldn't have fitted in so well._

She keeps moving though, because she's Quistis Trepe, and she's a confident woman, so says the mantra replaying in her head. It may not be much, but it's enough to keep her from failing.

The recognition upon his face is somewhat relieving as she approaches him, the swaying of her dress fading to a halt around her knees. The call of crickets can be faintly heard in the distance, as if to point out the screaming of the silence, so she blurts out whatever conversation starter she can; "How are you liking the evening?"

"Great… I'm marrying Rinoa." She swears she can feel the pounding in her head and the sinking in her chest, but she hides it, because – just like with everything else – he **doesn't need to know**. She looks up into his eyes, because although there's no hope left at that moment, there's room for more, and sometimes – just sometimes – she'd like to fill up that empty space.

It hurts even more than when Squall told her to go talk to a wall, and she knows she's just driving herself into oblivion.

"Are you really sure you want this?" A small smile flitters across his face for just the slightest moment. She knows that she will feel just that little bit more content in her life to know that he is, in fact, happy, but she just cannot let go of the thought that maybe he could be even happier with herself.

"Of course I do." He nods, seriously like always again, and then adds, "I love her."

_I know that. I know that better than anyone else here. I would notice, even if you never admit it._

"Yeah, I know." Quistis allows herself to nod, careful not to betray any emotion, trying to control the flood of sentiment coursing through her stomach, longing herself to be numb from it for just a minute or two. After making sure that her voice would sound like that of just a friend, she continues with an honest, "I would never doubt it."

"Then why do you ask?" The man says back with a hit of amusement written on his face, lining his tone of voice.

_Because I could be so much better for you. Because she doesn't know you as I do. Maybe I just want to know if there's any chance of being happy in the not-so-distant future._

She feels a bit like a line of dominos at the moment, one piece falling right after the other – only, the line is endless, and the pieces are not at a constant speed the whole time.

"Because… because I just want you to be happy, you know, being your friend and all." She fakes a smile, relieved when he seems to be satisfied with the answer. The smile flickers for a moment after, and dissolves as she stares at the ground. He notices the flicker, and she can tell, but is glad that he doesn't pry. "Well, congratulations."

"Thanks." He smiles slightly after nodding, and adds, "A lot."

"It's okay." She says, at lack of anything useful. She wants to tell him that she loves him, as if it is a romantic novel. But it is neither romantic nor a novel, as much as she would like otherwise.

She remembers a time when she was younger, she muses silently, when she couldn't wait to have her fairytale ending, and she knows this isn't it. It would never be, as long as she does not move on.

_This isn't meant to be. I can't believe you're actually taken. I can't even believe that I'm jealous of her. I guess you really do deserve her, though, as much as it hurts to admit it._

"Well, I better be off before Selphie does anything too crazy, you know how she gets." She tries to make her excuse as nonchalant as she can, but Squall can tell that there is some underlying feature there, even if he can't quite put his finger on it. "I know you'll be happy with her, really; happier than with anyone else."

_He didn't even like you at first. He didn't even want you, then._

He scowls in confusion, but tries to show the gratitude he feels towards the blonde. The pair of heels draws attention towards another presence in the balcony, and the two turn around to face Rinoa, who smiles brightly at Quistis.

"Hi Quistis." She says with her hands behind her back, looking between the two, then adding, " You look really nice tonight, you know!"

"Thanks, Rin." The blonde replies, but she can't help thinking, _'not nice enough, though'_. Guilt overcomes her, faintly represented in an almost sad smile, and she says adds, "Well, I'd like to congratulate you on getting married. I'm… really happy for you."

Finding herself enveloped in a hug, the brunette woman's smile widens even more, and she thanks her, but the other speaks before she can continue.

"I was going to speak with the others." She pauses before turning around, feeling her breath being restricted. "Bye…"

She knows that she missed out her chance a long time ago, but she really thought she could have done something. Feeling even more unfulfilled, Quistis walks off, unable to continue her reassuring mantra. She'd like to believe that there's room for more love in her emptily emotional heart, but she knows there isn't; despite this, she just wishes something could go her way for once.

"Quistis! You're meant to be happy, it's a party! What's wrong?" Selphie walks up with Irvine, who smiles and greets her.

"He's marrying her… I guess it really is over." She receives sympathetic frowns, and the three look towards the happy couple, sighing grimly as they exchange affection.

_You've got no time for me, yet I've got all the time in the world. I know you'll win and I'll fall to the ashes, but sometimes I really do wish for something different. _

"Ahh… don't worry, darlin', there are plenty more fish in the sea." Irvine says, gravely turning to face her, while she watches and watches, because somehow, it still seems to take the world away and give her meaning.

_But they're never going to be like Squall, no one is._

She wants to tell them, to complain and speak of her anguish, but her breathing feels so confined, like she may choke if he is mentioned anymore. Quistis knows she used to be happier, she really does. Back when he was just a student of hers, and – dutiful as ever – her main priority was her job, not some talented brunet in the middle of it. She can't say she misses that time, as she would she would not have been able to experience so many happy moments without him.

She still has the savoured memories, though, like an illusion to keep her from being so alone; even kidding herself into it feels good. Her friends help her through it, because really, they feel that their group has been invaded too, even if it** is **selfish.

_It's so strange… how fate really has a way of making people feel so discarded, inadequate even. _


End file.
